Skirt of the Week #7

This is Kayla from the Kansas City Chiefs Cheerleaders. I think what initially sucked me in was her uncanny resemblance to my ex-girlfriend. My therapist said I need to stop treating inanimate objects as real people. But if you only knew. That girl was the world to me. Until the damned cat got ahold of her.

A-Rod's Happy Ending

After 12 All-Star Game appearances, signing the largest contract in the history of baseball on two different occasions, and dating Kate Hudson before Madonna could even get her goddamned clothes back on, Alex Rodriguez finally has something to smile about.

A World Series championship.

The man portrayed as a victim by some fucking morons, made everyone in the Bronx quickly forget his past playoff failures, bum hip and steroid admission by finally coming up big with his bat. He finished the postseason with 18 RBIs, the most in Yankees' history for a single playoff year, and six home runs. Pretty outstanding numbers for one man. Pretty tame for a freak of nature pumped full of rhinoceros hormones.

But the Series wasn't just about that dick. There was so much more to enjoy. Even though I didn't give a rat's ass about either of this year's teams, nothing beats the sights and sounds of the Fall Classic. I especially like how Fox shows everyone's individual reaction to the final, Series-clinching out. Here's a look back.

Alex Rodriguez

Derek Jeter

Mark Teixeira

The Phillie Phanatic

Soak it up while you can, Nimrod. Because should you falter, the New York "faithful" will turn on you quicker than a 40-MPH pitch down the middle.

Obligatory Kanye Post

"Yo Joe, I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish, but the 2009 Colorado Rockies had one of the best baseball teams of all time. One of the best baseball teams of all time."

Not sure if the cognac or the aliens who gave him that haircut and are controlling his mind made him say that. Either way, I fuckin' love Kanye's style.

The Breakfast of Sub-.500 Teams

Everyone knows Terrell Owens is hungry for a championship. But the way this season's going, I'm afraid the lame-o's gonna have to settle for his contribution to grocery store shelves. TO's.

That's right. The man who eats defensive backs for lunch has brought the world a delicious new breakfast cereal. Actually, I have no clue if it's delicious and never will unless I suddenly find myself homeless and they're serving them at the soup kitchen. Given the way the man carries himself, I have zero interest in ever giving him money and putting his honey nut O's in my mouth.

Have to say though, I really hope these toasted oats get good reviews. Because if they don't, I don't know if I'll be able to fuckin' handle the countless SportsCenter replays of the aftermath.

"It's really unfair. That's my product. That's my breakfast cereal."

If you hate TO and/or his cereal, the company that produced it (PBL Sports) has many tasty athletic offerings. Like Big Ben's Beef Jerky or Ed McCaffrey's Rocky Mountain Horseradish Sauce. But at least one person who sampled Ben's beef treat wasn't a satisfied customer.

Don't let that stop you though. Go ahead and check out the PBL site. No matter what shitty team or has-been player you cheer for, it looks like there's a little something on there for everyone.