Skirt of the Week #7

This is Kayla from the Kansas City Chiefs Cheerleaders. I think what initially sucked me in was her uncanny resemblance to my ex-girlfriend. My therapist said I need to stop treating inanimate objects as real people. But if you only knew. That girl was the world to me. Until the damned cat got ahold of her.

A-Rod's Happy Ending

After 12 All-Star Game appearances, signing the largest contract in the history of baseball on two different occasions, and dating Kate Hudson before Madonna could even get her goddamned clothes back on, Alex Rodriguez finally has something to smile about.

A World Series championship.

The man portrayed as a victim by some fucking morons, made everyone in the Bronx quickly forget his past playoff failures, bum hip and steroid admission by finally coming up big with his bat. He finished the postseason with 18 RBIs, the most in Yankees' history for a single playoff year, and six home runs. Pretty outstanding numbers for one man. Pretty tame for a freak of nature pumped full of rhinoceros hormones.

But the Series wasn't just about that dick. There was so much more to enjoy. Even though I didn't give a rat's ass about either of this year's teams, nothing beats the sights and sounds of the Fall Classic. I especially like how Fox shows everyone's individual reaction to the final, Series-clinching out. Here's a look back.

Alex Rodriguez

Derek Jeter

Mark Teixeira

The Phillie Phanatic

Soak it up while you can, Nimrod. Because should you falter, the New York "faithful" will turn on you quicker than a 40-MPH pitch down the middle.

Obligatory Kanye Post

"Yo Joe, I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish, but the 2009 Colorado Rockies had one of the best baseball teams of all time. One of the best baseball teams of all time."

Not sure if the cognac or the aliens who gave him that haircut and are controlling his mind made him say that. Either way, I fuckin' love Kanye's style.

The Breakfast of Sub-.500 Teams

Everyone knows Terrell Owens is hungry for a championship. But the way this season's going, I'm afraid the lame-o's gonna have to settle for his contribution to grocery store shelves. TO's.

That's right. The man who eats defensive backs for lunch has brought the world a delicious new breakfast cereal. Actually, I have no clue if it's delicious and never will unless I suddenly find myself homeless and they're serving them at the soup kitchen. Given the way the man carries himself, I have zero interest in ever giving him money and putting his honey nut O's in my mouth.

Have to say though, I really hope these toasted oats get good reviews. Because if they don't, I don't know if I'll be able to fuckin' handle the countless SportsCenter replays of the aftermath.

"It's really unfair. That's my product. That's my breakfast cereal."

If you hate TO and/or his cereal, the company that produced it (PBL Sports) has many tasty athletic offerings. Like Big Ben's Beef Jerky or Ed McCaffrey's Rocky Mountain Horseradish Sauce. But at least one person who sampled Ben's beef treat wasn't a satisfied customer.

Don't let that stop you though. Go ahead and check out the PBL site. No matter what shitty team or has-been player you cheer for, it looks like there's a little something on there for everyone.

Skirt of the Week #6

Ok, this one's more like "Shirt of the Week." Or quite possibly, "Shirt of the Millennium."

While searching for pictures for the last post, I stumbled across this beauty. Now Lindsay only has a loose affiliation with the sports world. She appeared in the movie Herbie Fully Loaded. But I doubt any of my readers will mind.

Excuse me Miss Herbie, but you have a headlight out, hahahahahaha!!

Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Football Owner

Not.

I'm not sayin' Rush isn't fat. Because let's face it, the only thing bigger than that man's ass is his mouth. What I'm really sayin' is Mr. Limbaugh has no chance of ever owning an NFL team.

Sorry Rush, but your ass got sacked.

The original Cock Jock's recent bid to buy the St. Louis Rams was destroyed by an all-out blitz from Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, Jim Irsay and ultimately the warden himself, Roger Goodell. Sharpton and Jackson put pressure on the league to reject Limbaugh due to his derogatory comments about Donovan McNabb back when someone made the mistake of letting Limbaugh squeeze into the Monday Night Football booth. Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay echoed Sharpton's and Jackson's concerns and vowed to vote against any ownership group Limbaugh was ever a part of. And Roger Goodell? He wants no part of the heavy burden Limbaugh would put on the league. Goodell has enough thugs to deal with. Or so says Rush.

"The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it." Limbaugh once stated.

Not to be a Dittohead, but Rush's radio show all too often sounds like a conversation between a racist right-winger and a clan of people without any fuckin' fashion sense. There, I said it.

Limbaugh, one of these days you need to learn to bite your tongue. Just try not to eat it.

Skirt of the Week #5

As you can see, this week's winner (ESPN reporter Erin Andrews) happens to be wearing pants in this picture. I just figured I'd leave a little up to the imagination. Unlike the freakazoid who filmed her in the nude through the peephole in a hotel room door and posted the video all over the Internet. Boy, some guys are such fuckin' pigs.