Death of a Big-Time Player

First off, I'd like to apologize for my hiatus. I've been wrestling some inner demons. Namely, Nybbas, Zagan and The Lord Dorkus Maximus.

Speaking of creatures who belong in the depths of hell, how 'bout this Sahel Kazemi bitch? You all know the story by now. Upon hearing the news of Steve McNair's death, I was in total disbelief.

"This can't be!" I thought.

"Is it really true?!" I said.

"How will this affect the value of his rookie card?" I wondered.

Through it all, I was hopin' the demise of one of my favorite footballers was just a bad dream. I was prayin' for another Music City Miracle. But sadly, it was all for naught. Air McNair's ship had really set sail for the pearly gates.

After the cold, hard truth finally sunk in, I wondered what was going through the minds of other pro athletes. Many of whom probably enjoy the company of more women in a month than I have in a fuckin' lifetime.

Take Roger Clemens, for example. You'd think the thought of McNair getting pumped full of lead would be enough to make "The Rocket" stop injecting himself into women outside his marriage. Though he'll never get into The Hall for strikeouts, he could very well be inducted for knockouts. She, she and she are just a few of the stunners allegedly in the hurler's trophy case. But Roger might want to stop adding to his collection before his wife kisses him goodnight with some high heat.

Matt Leinart should also consider chilling out with the hotties. That guy's played the field more than he's actually been on it the last couple years. He should now know more than ever that it's never good to participate in a game of "Musical Women." Especially when it involves a bald one with an umbrella.

Then there's Little Bitch Bryant. As you can see, I'm a big fan. Dude's probably wiping away more fake tears and buying a bigger diamond as we speak. He's probably thinking the bigger the rock, the more it'll weigh down The Misses's hand and the more difficult it'll be for her to get a shot off. Let's just say I'm hoping she has very strong arms.

Okay, that was uncalled for. I apologize. It just angers me that someone can be so good at scoring on and off the court. The Black Mamba probably still has more women than a pyramid of cheerleaders. But as recent events have shown, it only takes one imbalanced bundle of estrogen to make everything come tumbling down.